Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
