I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
