I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
