Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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