I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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