I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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