you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
