The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
