threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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