I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
