That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
