So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
