Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
