There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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