i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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