is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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