Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
