Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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