I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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