Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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