the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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