There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
