I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
