U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
