Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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