this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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