I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
