he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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