no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
