Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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