Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
