My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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