every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
