Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need a beard to bite.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
