You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
