Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
