I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
