We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
