Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
