i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
