Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
