McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
