Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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