Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
