She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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