i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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