you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize