this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
