if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
