i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
