We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
