i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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