dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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