Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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