this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
