Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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