I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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