thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
