i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize