I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
