32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish I only lived at night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
