i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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