just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
