I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need water and some morals
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
