theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
