just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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