You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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